Monday, March 23, 2009

Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds

People may say that time heals all wounds, but if someone has not done the hard work of forgiveness, time only moves the pain below the surface. So often a person will say, “It hurts too much to feel the pain again.” And my reply is “It hurts more not to feel it.” The insidious crime of rape is not what ultimately kills the soul; it is the shaming silence a woman lives with, often for years, that holds her hostage to the deep offense. Sexual abuse is a soul-deadening crime not only because of the violent, dishonoring physical treatment but also because of the shame that keeps the victim silent.

A dear friend from college sent me some of her counseling notes years ago:

Deal with incest, abuse, etc., in therapy by:
  • Allowing the victims to tell their stories.
  • Allowing the victims to grieve.
  • Helping victims make new decisions—who they are now, etc.
  • Helping them have new experiences.

These notes are so simple and yet so profound. If God’s children would just learn to allow the offended to tell their stories and grieve the offenses—there would be far less spiritual illness in the body of Jesus. When pain is buried, it is buried only for a time. When it comes to the surface of one’s life, and it will come to the surface, it often erupts in destructive behavior that could have been prevented if the person had been able to sufficiently grieve the offense, loss, or devastation.

Shakespeare wisely recommended, “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’re-fraught heart and bids it break.”

Time does heal, but time heals only the wounds we allow the light of God to shine on and expose. Time ferments and intensifies wounds that are hidden, but God wants us to come to Him with all this pain. Too often we don’t face our pain because we are too scared. Sometimes we don’t think God will be able to comfort us adequately, but we need to give Him a chance. In truth, He is more than able!

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”(II Cor. 1:3,4)

Excerpt from Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness

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1 comment:

Pami said...

this really hits home I would love to review this book if thats something you would be interested in, if you go to my site click on my life go to the ones I first posted and you will know life has not been kind to me and I am stuck in a rut I want to forgive and forget things but it is so hard
my email is